Many people are so enamored with their new cat or kitten that they give it a wide-eyed, unbroken stare - little realizing that they are communicating a desire to attack it, eat it, or drive it from their territory. With many species of wild and domestic animals, communication is mostly through body language. In fact, experts even tell us that human communication is seventy percent (70%) gestures and expressions.
With this article, we hope to reveal the dance to you, and to give you a few short gestures which will improve your experience with your cat and their experience with you. This is particularly important if you are in the process of introducing a new cat to your environment. Bear in mind that we specialize in Siberian Cats who are very social, affectionate, accepting, and adaptable. We can’t guarantee that these ideas apply to all other breeds.
The Blink/Ignore
The most important gestures are “the blink” and “the blink/ignore.” The “blink/ignore” is used for a cat who is new to the environment, or is uncomfortable for any reason. Look the cat in the eye, give a slow and deliberate blink, then turn your head and body away from them and think to yourself “I am totally ignoring this cat.” The blink is a sign of territorial acceptance, an assurance that you do not have an agenda. The ignore grants the animal space.
If the cat has been in the environment for some time, a slow blink when you come into the room is much like a greeting, acceptance, or reaffirmation. Cats blink at us often, they must think us quite dense for not returning the gesture.
The Pick Up/Put Down
This is a cat, not a teddy bear. It has the opinion (as we all do and should) that it owns itself. The deep basis for abuse is someone else demonstrating that they own you. If you were at a Safeway, and a huge person you didn’t know ran up to you, picked you up, and smothered your face with sloppy kisses, you would be absolutely appalled. Cats feel this way if a person, who they have no relationship with, does this to them.
I once had a person come and look at a kitten which I knew to be tame and social. This person held the kitten and when the kitten squirmed slightly, he did not put it down. The kitten meowed, “Please, put me down!” The person did not respond. Finally, I asked for the kitten to put down and she ran away and did not come out until the person left. A week later, a mother and her teenage daughter came to look at the same kitten. She would not come near at first, but, forgiving creatures that they are, slowly began to make overtures. The daughter waited until the kitten crawled into her lap, then petted it but did not confine it. The kitten persisted until she did pick it up. Immediately the kitten, with a slight squirm, asked to be put down. The girl picked up on the signal and placed her back on the carpet. The kitten asked to be picked up again and, this time, did not ask to be put down. The kitten went home with that girl, much to everyone’s delight!
One of the most important things a small animal wants to know is, “If I consign my body to this huge, hulking creature, will they free me if I ask?” If the answer is no, your cat will not want to be affectionate with you. If the answer is yes, your pet - whether it is a cat, a bird, a horse, a dog - will feel confident around you.
You can shorten the amount of time it takes for an animal to feel comfortable with you by doing the following: pick the cat up, give it a quick kiss, put it down before it asks, and turn to do a complete ignore. A few minutes later, repeat this. You will basically be telling your little creature that the pickups are temporary. It is not your intent to confine it. You will notice the animal becoming more comfortable after being picked up, and you can hold it for slightly longer each time. Always put a cat down if it asks, immediately. Many people wish they had a lap cat but don’t realize their actions taught their cat not to be a lap cat early on.
Hiss vs. Purr
Some owners attempt to quiet a distressed cat by saying, “Shhh shhh” but notice that the cat becomes more and more frantic. If you wanted to comfort someone, you wouldn’t yell, “DANGER! DANGER!” Any “sss” sound a cat hears will immediately translate as danger or hostility. This is why they hate vacuums, hair dryers, and anything that sounds like escaping air. If one cat crosses the boundaries of another, the insulted cat will threaten and say, “Sssss.” This tells the intruder that they are over the lie and in imminent danger of a whack. If a cat jumps up on a counter, and you say, “Get down!” it won’t know what you are saying. If you hold an unblinking stare and say “Sssss,” it will. Conversely, if you roll your tongue quietly like a purr, this will comfort and reward your cat.
Discipline vs. Love
The most important principles for establishing boundaries with a cat, or any animal for that matter, is that the relationship must come before behavioral modification. You are not programming a machine, you are opening up intelligent thought in a living being. You want this to be an aspect of relationship and a bonding experience rather than being demeaning and destructive.
You are not “training” a cat to stay off the counter, you are establishing the counter as your territory which you don’t want intruded upon. There is a huge difference in this. “Training” assumes the cat is a programmable machine and it demeans them. Establishing a boundary assumes intelligent thought and this enriches a cat;s life. Cats will understand this. To have a relationship exceed discipline means you are going to have to be patient. When the cat jumps up on the counter, say, “Ssss” softly then walk over and lift the cat down. Then, once it is down, purr to it, stroke it, thank it, and walk away. Do this many times, and each time say, “Sssss” louder. Eventually, you will include a mild spanking and then the cat will get the idea. We don’t recommend using water guns because Siberian Cats are a water-loving breed. The way wild cats maintain boundaries in their prides is an increasingly loud verbal warning accompanied by an unbroken stare. Eventually, if these warnings go unheeded, one cat cuffs the other. To spank a cat, hold it by the scruff and paddle the hind quarters softly with the flat of your hand. Increase the force until you can barely feel the cat tense its muscles. This tells you the cat is uncomfortable. Then put the cat down. Once a cat understands your intent, you will be able to lock a stare and say “Ssss” from across the room and it will understand. It should not be necessary to paddle a cat more than twice in its life. If done correctly, your cat will have a deepened respect for your. You are a powerful creature, but your requests are consistent and reasonable. If heeded, you don’t use your power. Cats get this.
Children in the House
If you have children, you need to teach these concepts to them or they, meaning to love, will torture a cat. Statistics show that children who are raised with animals have better self images but this far underestimates the wholeness animals bring to the lives of children. Animals can teach many things and can fill our children with love if the basics of human/animal relations are taught early on.
Becoming the Alpha Cat
If you have a cat (or multiple cats) in the house, you need to be the alpha, or your cats will not be happy. Cats love a great alpha. It is interesting to be a part of a cat pride where the members are not fixed and there is a working social structure, much like it would be in the wild. If an alpha queen holds her position with too much force, the personality of the pride is more tense.
We have seen some wondrous alpha cats who work hard to not only keep order, but to make sure each member feels comfortable and safe. The head queens will not let pride members fight. If a fight breaks out, they will rush in, growl, lock stares, and if the fighters do not desist, they will attack and physically break it up. Queens want the environment safe, quiet, and peaceful for kittens. We had one queen who would be the first to greet guests and visiting dogs. She would sniff the dog and, as the frightened members of the pride looked on, she would turn her back (the ignore). The whole pride would relax and resume their activities.
If they know that you make the rules and you set the boundaries, they will treat you as the alpha. Once established, your cat’s reaction to visitors and stressors in the environment will depend on you. If you allow chaos and unclear boundaries in your home, your cat(s) will be stressed and tense. Keep in mind, however, that your cat will feel stressed and tense if you are too overbearing and forceful. The key is to find a balance between setting boundaries and letting your cat(s) have freedom to do as they please.
The Core Attitude
What you think of your cat will determine the level of success and depth of your relationship. We don’t truly own any creature. If an animal lives with you, it is your responsibility to provide for it and, in turn, you are graced with its presence - that is the trade. Keep in mind, no being on the planet may own the soul of another being.
Your cat is who it is. It needs space to make decisions. It needs time to form relationships. The fact that a cat does not have as big of a brain as we humans do does not mean it is locked in perpetual childhood. Animals mature much faster than people do so even a “young” cat will preserve itself as an adult. A cat who is devalued and forced will retreat. A cat who is pandered to and spoiled will have no respect for you. If you have the right attitude towards animals, it will affect every subtle move you make around them. You will be giving them their space and encouraging them, while communicating and gently maintaining your own boundaries. Animals (especially cats) are strongly drawn to humans who keep this balance.
Cats look to people to be the Alpha - to love and encourage - to maintain reasonable boundaries consistently - never to confine or condescend
People who can do this are blessed with their cats opening themselves up
completely in love and thrush. These are the basic principles for success in relationships with other people too. It is hard to quantify the value of having animals in your home with you and with your children. They are living treasures.
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